Overloaded

WOD:

25 burpees
10-8-6-4-2 front squats
10-8-6-4-2 hang cleans
25 burpees

Rx for women: 95#

I don't know why, but I walked into the gym feeling weird today. Different. Unmotivated. I've apparently got shin splints that have really been bothering me lately, so much so that I am not doing anything impact related this week per my own prescription. My tummy has been crummy for the last week, but that could have everything to do with the fact I've been doing creatine for about a week and a half. I'm not entirely sure I'm going to continue with it, but I've known several people who do get results from using it and thought it was worth a try. So far I can't say I'm having huge results, and I promise there's no pun intended there.

I used 75# today, which was a good weight for me. Challenging but not overwhelming amounts of weight. Thankfully, I did not psyche myself into thinking I needed to attempt this one as Rx'ed. I did the first set of burpees as Rx'ed with full blown push ups. The last set I did on my knees. I've seen lots of improvements in my push ups over the last month or so, which I'm proud of. Things like push ups and pull ups are my nemesis, so it's motivating to finally see some progress.

But something funny happened to me today during the weight portion of the WOD. I started crying.

For some reason, keeping my elbows up during front squats or at the bottom of squat cleans is always hard for me. I can tell I'm letting them drop, and I know better than to do it. At one point on rep 8 in the first set of hang cleans I just couldn't get the weight up. My whole body felt heavy, and the bar just wouldn't float for me. I was sweaty, hot, frustrated, and emotional. This was the second WOD I've ever done where I seriously considered walking away. In fact, I even let my mind go there about walking up to my coach, telling her I was outta there, and then getting my keys, getting in my car, and leaving.

Then I let my mind start wondering to what Coach Jodi would say if she could hear what I was thinking. She would say that what we do here at CrossFit is supposed to make us better outside the gym. Physically we will perform better when we train our bodies, and mentally we will perform better by taking the skills of focusing and motivating ourselves and others that we practice here in the box and taking that away with us. I started thinking about everything going on in my life right now. How, I asked myself, would I ever be able to handle some of the big chunks of life I've got on my plate if I can't make it through this WOD? Sure, it's hard, but it's not un-completeable. I just had to tell myself I was going to finish it, regardless of how long it took.

Just like overloading your bar can ruin your workout, or worse yet, end up in physical injury, being emotionally overloaded or having too many irons in the fire can be too much. For me, the emotional overload caught up to me today. I am packing up my family and moving several states away in a matter of weeks. I'm moving from a life of widowhood and single parenting of small children to that of a military wife (again), parenting kids who are definitely not little anymore, and hoping to add to the brood. I have said goodbye to my friends at church as of yesterday, and there are many more goodbyes yet to come. And while goodbyes are sad, in my opinion, they are also indicative of a new, untravelled road in life, one that will lead to more adventures, more precious friends, and irreplacable life experiences. I truly am excited about all the positive things that this move will bring, but right now I just need to put down the bar and cry. After I have come to terms with it, I will have to give myself a "3-2-1-GO!"

These are some of my 0830 girls. They are what keeps me going when, left to my own wiles, I would quit and walk away from a WOD. I definitely know how to push myself and go hard, but I have learned that you cannot place a price tag on sweat-forged camraderie and friends who will holler at you to believe in yourself and to keep pushing. Just looking at this picture makes me laugh out loud and cry at the same time.

Coach Jodi talked to us today about how the coaches' goals for us include not just focusing on coming and working out. They really want us to work hard while we're there and then focus on the rest of our lives, too. True, many of us -- myself included -- place a lot of emphasis on our time at CF CenTex, and maybe too much so. I'm glad I finished the WOD, because if I hadn't I would've been more upset about giving up on something that shouldn't have conquered me. But I also feel that the time I've spent up there has been well spent in the friendships I've made and learning the value of leaning on others.